i can't tell you the number of times i have been asked if james and i are going to try for a girl. i have always wanted a big family. with james and i each having only one sibling, our extended family is pretty small (parker and pax have no cousins). i've always loved getting together with my tens of cousins for holidays and love being around other large families. i'd like to think that i am a pretty decent mom and could give many children love and opportunities. so do i want more kids? definitely.
james on the other hand isn't quite as eager. it took a lot of convincing to give parker a lil' brother. i honestly think james would have been perfecty content with just one child. parker was an ideal baby and one of our biggest fears before pax was having a difficult child. during my pregnancy with pax, everyone shared a story of how their kids were so different and if one was an easy baby, the next would be hard.
thankfully, we've had two very easy going babies who are very similar. they look alike, act alike and are both extremely chill. every day i am thankful for the blessings of the two healthy boys and the smooth pregnancies and deliveries. virtually none of my biggest fears materialized and i thank God for having his hand in everything. before having pax, i feared:
1. he would have colic (no)
2. breastfeeding would be difficult (actually much easier than with parker and in 3 months of life, pax's had zero formula and i have 10 extra bottles pumped and frozen! love breastfeeding)
3. i would have to have a c-section (although pax's breach presentation threatened this, the ecv worked and no c-section [or pressure to have pitocin or induce!])
4. something would go wrong during labor (nothing besides an episiotomy and the labor was only 6 hours instead of the 18 with parks!)
5. he would have a serious developmental issue (none that i know of yet)
is pax a perfect baby? no. he doesn't love his carseat most of the time (although he did much better than expected on the 13 hour drive to wisconsin) and spits up a lot, but if those are the biggest issues, i cannot complain.
who knows if we will have more kids. if we do, i'd like to be in a place where i could stay home with all of the kids. having two parents at home makes such a difference and i don't think we could handle 3 with both of us working full-time. for now i will continue to work and we will work to pay off our home even faster than planned (one of my friends just told me she paid hers off this summer and it was so inspiring to know that someone my age did it...we can do it, too!). if we do have more kids, it will probably be a few years down the road.
so are we going to try for a girl? my husband says absolutely not. if we have more, he only wants boys (and keeps saying he is incapable of producing girls). as much as i want to buy big bows and zebra print outfits for a little girl, i feel much more confident raising boys and am not sure i would have the patience to put up with girly screams and drama. for now, i'll just keep loving on these little guys and enjoying every minute of their youth...