last night as james and i were walking out the door to our weekly small group bible study, james asked if i was going to change out of my running shorts. i replied that no, i actually changed into them for the study and he asked if i would at least put on jeans (he had on jeans and a polo). before you think my husband is some kind of controlling dress snob, let me give you a little background...
after james and i had been dating for about a month, we had a "state of the union" relationship talk. we shared our biggest joys of dating and biggest fears. i kid you not--james' biggest fear was "that i would make him wear too many polos and dress up all the time." if you knew my husband growing up, you would understand his fear as he lives in t-shirts and basketball shorts. and the reputation he heard about me was that i complained my boyfriends did not wear enough polos (ha!). it was that day that i knew if that was his biggest fear, we could work through our issues and build something good.
james and i both love wearing workout clothes/sweats/running shorts. a sweaty guy in gym clothes turns me on so much more than a guy in a polo. not that i hate polos (because actually i do like james and other guys in them), but anyone can put on a polo, and polos send a message that "i'm trying to look good" (especially at a dave matthews concert, haha). on the other hand, a guy in workout clothes says "i'm not trying to impress, i'm living and taking care of myself (and i'm probably decently athletic)."
growing up, i wore t-shirts all.the.time. especially at sporting events, i absolutely HATED it when girls dressed up. a blue, tight dress does not convey jayhawk spirit like a good ole' fashioned t-shirt. then i went to john brown and i became that girl. i'm not sure if it was because all of my friends dressed up, i liked the attention/was trying to find a husband, or we had nothing better to do (probably all of the above), but i dressed up for basketball games. (i would like to share that post-college, i stopped. when i go to arkansas games, i always wear t-shirts).
working out at camp war eagle really helped me go back to my roots. one of my friends came to visit and wore a cute sundress, and i wanted to ask her why she wanted to draw the attention to herself as the only person out there not in shorts and a t-shirt. even if her primary motivation wasn't attention but maybe "to feel beautiful," they are virtually the same thing in my eyes.
i think high heels are the biggest attention seeker. and yet, i still own heels and wear them from time to time, so what does that mean? actually, i have some pink shoes that average about 5 compliments a day when i wear them (hahaha yes i keep track because they are my only pair like that) and i constantly struggle with why i wear such things. is fashion asking for attention or is it to display beauty (and is either good)? is our goal to draw attention to our shoes or attire or to focus on the heart? how does dressing up in heels or wearing makeup fit into professionalism vs. seeking attention vs. enjoying life?
last year i read the book, "captivating," with some of my girlfriends and we discussed many of these points. however, i don't think my heart fully settled on the issue and i still question whether the pursuit of any type of beauty is positive/holy/profitable. as much as i tell myself no, i'm still going spray tanning tomorrow and buying fake nails for a wedding saturday. yet, i haven't worn mascara for the past 2 weeks (or much in the past 2 years for that sake) and i can't convince myself that getting regular manicures or pedicures is a good use of the money God's provided. i am very comfortable without makeup, but often i question if i am too comfortable and should wear it more. and that concludes random thoughts from silvy on this lovely october night...love yall.