Monday, July 5, 2010

disappointment

i'm not 100% sure why i'm writing this post because my behavior this weekend was nothing short of embarrassing, but if i just post a bunch of pictures of our family and friends swimming and grilling out, it just doesn't seem right. 

last week our friends' texted james and invited us to a lake cabin for the weekend (the cfo of jb hunt's lake cabin actually).  i was really excited and since we'd already made a few plans with other friends, we decided we would try to go out saturday night and stay until sunday evening.  during the day on saturday we were going to go boating/tubing/wakeboarding with my boss and his wife (sidenote: after working at our company for 11 years, my boss put in his two weeks last monday and i cried at work in front of all of the other managers.  [and no, i am not having an affair with my boss]). it rained all day saturday so we decided to take a rain check.

i was not super disappointed because the next day we were going to the lakehouse, with jet ski's among other fun toys.  sunday rolls around, we anxiously fill our car with towels, swimsuits, food, etc. and head to church, ready to hit the lake right after the service.  in the middle of the sermon james received a text from our friend saying the weather channel was predicting rain.  we didn't care because even if it rained we would love to get away and play games inside the cabin, so we said we were still in.  ten minutes later our friends cancelled.  when we got home i looked at the radar map on http://www.weather.com/ and there was no green!  none. 

this is when i start to get frustrated.  i know weathermen are not always correct, but seriously, are we adventurous or not?  all i wanted to do the whole weekend was go to the lake, and we had other friends invite us boating sunday as well, but we turned them down because we were going to lakehouse (which by the way this is the first time anyone has invited us to the lake this summer.  we really have no connections).  james told me that i was acting like a spoiled brat (and even though i was), i got mad at him for the comment.  he doesn't know that going to the lake is special because it reminds me of my childhood when we went to our lakehouse every single weekend.  he suggested we go to the pool instead and i said something about how we go to the pool every day and that is not exciting for the 4th of july.

so i picked up the keys and drove out of our house.  i needed to get away and decided the pool was my best option so i could at least get a little sun.  our usually overcrowded pool had NO ONE in it at 12:30pm.  no one.  you know why?  BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS AT THE LAKE!  then i just lost it.  i started crying and sat by the sat by the side of the pool feeling sorry for myself until i received a nice text from james validating my frustration and giving me the freedom to have as much time to myself as i needed while parker napped.  for some reason i could not get over the expectations i'd set to go to the lake. 

it's moments like these that i am ashamed of and hope to prevent in the future.  i'm sitting here crying that we have to go to the pool instead of the lake for 4th of july while there are people all over the world in much, much worse situations.  the same thing happened a few years ago when james got me carnations instead of roses for valentine's day (i cried and it ruined the whole night).  while these two events make me sound like a horribly ungrateful person, they remind me that i need to constantly focus on what matters most--people.  i am blessed with a wonderful husband and awesome son.  we were all together for the holiday and that is all that really matters.  i need to let go of expectations when they do not come through as planned and be more flexible.

we ended up going to the pool with friends, eating dinner with our neighbors (who smoked some DELICIOUS brisket), lighting fireworks and watching the sky light up all around our neighborhood with various shows.  it was a good day and even though i had a chip on my shoulder throughout the afternoon, i can finally say that i am done with it.

going to san francisco tomorrow helps a little bit (bring on napa valley and the spa!).  for real, though, i am going to work on changing on my attitude when things do not go the way i envision them.  recognizing that i can be extremely selfish is the first step to changing, right?

of course i couldn't leave for vacation without one sweet picture of my baby celebrating the 4th.
hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and your attitudes were better than mine! :)

5 comments:

Nicole said...

Silvy,

Thanks for your honesty. I totally get you. Been there done that. It makes me thankful for God's grace and a gracious spouse.

Hoping San Fran is amazing for you!

Reba said...

I definitely had that happen this weekend. I had planned for several months a getaway with friends, then found out last Wednesday it was not going to work because it was a 4 hour drive and I'm the only one that had to work on Monday, hence would have to take my own car. HUGE dissapointment. Fortunately, I had a good weekend in that I was very productive. :)

I think God was telling me I'm not in control, and he's got a better idea for me. Which sucks, but is true sometimes.

-reb

piquard said...

Thank you for your honesty, Silvy! I wish we had known each other better at JBU, I think we have many similar thought processes;)

Nicole said...

Hey Silvy,
We all have moments and there is nothing wrong with that. I can remember all the fun we had at the lakehouse too. Sometimes it feels like things become so routine that when something new comes along you can be very dissapointed when it doesn't come through. Just yesterday I got upset when we went to the library and I couldn't get a card because I forgot to bring mail to prove where I lived. I left fuming saying I was never going back there again, not my proudest moment. I hope you have a great time in San Fransico, when we went there it was really cold and that was in July! I hope its a little warmer for you.

Jenna van said...

You are funny!!! But pretty sure I do the same thing all the time!